I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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