You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
