i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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