I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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