Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
