I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
