I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
