I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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