you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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