i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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