Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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