We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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