Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
