We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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