There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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