put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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