Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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