Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
