since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
