I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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