i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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