New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
