Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Of course I have a pirate flag
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
