Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
