I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
