I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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