didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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