She's like a pop up book from hell.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
