apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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