True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
