i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
