The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
