told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
