I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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