I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
