God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
