if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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