you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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