he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
