My first STD was from a foam party
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
