I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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