I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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