I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
