u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
