Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
