guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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