He kissed a someone with a penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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