ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
