If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
