I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize