so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
