doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
