Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
