It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
