So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
