I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
