I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
