My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
