There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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