I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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