and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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