I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
