I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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