I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
its liver damage thursday
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize