ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
