I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
