i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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