You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I need a burrito and a hug.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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