You really coming over, don't trick.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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