Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
