Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
BRING THE BAGELS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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