I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize