I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
