so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He better not be in your backpack
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
