You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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