we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
