Soap is not a condiment
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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