I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
