If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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