We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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