okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
