I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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