Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize