"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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