im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
