i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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