omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
